Today is Audacious Pursuit's 6 Month Blogversary!! I am super excited and thankful that I have made it this far. I may not have blogged as much as I would have liked but nevertheless I am happy I am doing something beyond me. I am thankful that the sharing of my experiences is also helping others. I am looking forward to the weeks, months and years to come. I know they will not be without its challenges and numerous opportunities for growth!
Is it just me or is the residue of the new year still being felt by everyone else as well. I am uberly still excited about all that 2 0 1 8 has to offer!!! For me, the commencements of new years and new birthdays also causes me to reflect on previous years. 2018 is expected to be an exceptional year for me. This year I turn the "Dirty Thirty" (Whoo-Hoo) and I celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary (Yasss!!!).
Looking back over my 20s, I have a mix of emotions. I typically start by laughing and saying to myself, "Girl, what were you thinking" or "Really…you didn’t consider that?" Most of all, I recognized a lot of young and immature areas but also SO much growth. For most if not all of those events, I recall so many times where I would now tell myself:
"Girl, stop stressing. God's got this one (and all of the other ones) covered. His timing is ever so perfect!"
"It's ok not to be 'okay' all of the time."
"You don’t have to have all of the answers all of the time."
"Enjoy the small things. Those are thing things that will always matter and have meaning."
"Love hard even if you feel that it is not being reciprocated"
"Forgive constantly. Carrying that weight will weigh you down."
"Be intentional about being intentional."
"Do not allow things or people to change who you are at the core. People will always be people. Let them/it be.
"Relationships will change. AND. THAT. IS. OKAY! Got it? Good!
"Love yourself unconditionally. You are worthy of it all. You matter. What you do matters."
"Give room for your growth. Understanding that it's ever-evolving and constant. Give yourself time to understand who God is creating you to be. Give yourself grace."
"There's so much purpose in your pain."
"Seek God and not man for your purpose."
"You will be a GREAT mother and wife. God will show you how. Trust Him."
This is some of them. There are so many other countless lessons which I will probably share closer to my birthday.
As I reflect over all of these "What I would say to my 20 year old self" sayings, I began to think about all of the lessons and growth my 30s may potentially yield. All were not easy and most took time. For some lessons, I am still reviewing and studying today but overall, I can say that I have grown. I am growing. It is both exciting and overwhelming at the same time because I understand that similar to those lessons above, my next years and seasons of my life will bring about similar or different challenges. Challenges that are needed for my growth. SO BRING IT! (I may regret this later but hey).
Out of all of this, one important take-away from my 20s is that I have decided to live my life fully for me. In my 20s, I was typically ALWAYS over-consumed with what others thought or would say about me. I would basically be in a state of "analysis-paralysis" and would be immobilized because of it. This is something I HATED!! It was something I just could not shake.
After much prayer, fasting and discussion with some core friends and loved ones, I have decided that this is just not a place I desire to continue to dwell in. It is not holistically healthy and by remaining here I cannot flourish. I had to release this. As easy as it sounds, it wasn't. Why? Because this had become my nature; my comfort zone. Weird, huh? But true. I had become so comfortable with living my life for others that my happiness, peace and you name it was so dependent on them and not on God. So when people would let me down or when things would not go as I thought they should, it seemed to hurt more than it should. It was a lot. Too much at times. This is not how I wanted to continue to live the rest of my life. I mean, it is my life and I only get one chance to live it on this Earth so why not live it doing what God gave me the freedom to do?
Galatians 5:1 reminds me of this in saying, "So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free and don't get tied up again in slavery."
And to also be clear - No, I am not saying that I desire to be inconsiderate or rude to others. I have just decided that I am going to love and embrace me fully and first for a change and that doing this is okay. I know the people who God has placed in my life will understand, support and walk this new journey with me and I am honestly looking forward to it.
I realize that I am pretty dope! Flawed, absolutely but still undeniably dope. I am a great wife and mother. I don’t have it altogether but I am seeking and praying to be the best I can. I love to learn and would probably be a professional student if it paid well (you know…without the debt). I love to help and be a support to others. I have so many ideas of ways I would like to help others, the communities, families, etc. I look forward to the time when God will grant me the time and resources to do all of this.
So I encourage you all, reflect on and learn from the past. We cannot change it but we can use it as a vehicle to modifying our futures. Evaluate how important you are! Make daily or weekly affirmations and write or say them to yourself constantly. If you cannot believe in yourself, believe in the God in you!
Cheers to a new season of self-love, affirmation and appreciation!!
XOXO - Queda